"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" -James 1:17
It would be an understatement to say that these last two weeks have been a wild roller coaster ride filled to the brim with unexpected events and a whole range of emotions, but nonetheless, it is fitting. Our son, Daniel Richard Pavano, was born at 5:42 in the afternoon on April 6th, 2018. On that day, I witnessed an amazing reflection of Christ. I saw His innocence reflected in the beauty of my son and His love reflected in the way my wife and I felt when we first caught a glimpse of that precious little boy as he entered the world. I've heard others say many times that witnessing the miracle of birth is unlike any other experience, and I would agree. God gave us love; God gave us life. In that moment he was born, I cannot begin to express the joy that I felt in my heart as I witnessed my wife hold our beautiful boy for the first time and the feeling of gratitude that swelled within me when I realized that God had honored us with the privilege of caring for this little blessing.
My Glorious Father, thank you! Thank you for giving life to this boy, my son. You gave life to me and Brandy and have allowed us in turn to give life to our son. I am your son, beloved by you. Now I too have a son whom I love. I love my son so much Lord. I feel such joy just looking at his face and watching him as he grows familiar with this new world. I know even with how much I love my son, it pales in comparison to how much you love him and how much you love me. I'm learning more about Your love but I acknowledge that I am only scratching the surface of our relationship and of who You are. As I come to know my son and come to know my new role as Father, I will come to know You all the more. For all of this I am most grateful Lord.
The joy I had felt quickly turned to sorrow and fear when we realized, as my son fed from my wife, that something was very wrong. While feeding for only a brief time, Daniel pushed back from my wife. Instinct took over and she asked for a nurse to come to the room. I called the nursing staff who rushed in and took our son over to a nearby isle-let. The fear and the sorrow the enveloped me compared little to the look of horror on my wife's face as her son was taken from her with little explanation beyond that he couldn't breathe. It was a moment that is burned onto my heart. My wife and I both had the same thought, "This wasn't supposed to happen. The ultrasounds gave no indication that something was wrong with him." In this moment, it felt as if God couldn't be any further away. But in truth, he was present among us. He was holding me, he was holding my wife, and he was holding our son.
Father, I recognize in my heart that You do not cause bad things to happen. For only good can come from You Lord, not evil. Then why? Why the pain that my wife feels, that I feel for our son? He arrives in this world appearing healthy in the womb only to be sick. We await his arrival eagerly only for him to be taken away... But the story doesn't end there Lord. I know truly that he will not be taken away from us. This difficult moment is not all there is. There is pain in this world only because this world is broken, not because You will it to be so. I trust in You God. I trust in Christ Your Son, but sometimes it is so difficult when my anxiety takes over and the world and the flesh seek to dominate my thoughts turning them from joy into sorrow breaking any sense of peace that You give me... But they can't. Your peace is always available to me Lord, if only I accept it and l do accept it. I will let Your Son into my Heart as I did when I was young. Daniel's condition is fixable Father. I feel joy in my heart and gratitude. I will not let the Enemy or the world take You and Your peace away from me. At times, in these moments of doubt and uncertainty, You are all I have. I refuse to push You away. You gave Your only Son so that my family, my son may live, both in this life and the next. Lord God, I trust in You.
God truly did have all of us in His loving arms. Thankfully we didn't have to wait long to learn more details about the condition Daniel was born with which is called esophageal atresia. Typically with this condition, the child's esophagus is not connected, so food and liquid collects in a pouch in the esophagus. There is also a chance for the esophagus to be connected to the trachea which occurred in Daniel's case. We still had questions and Daniel's future was in doubt, but we had our Lord with us in many different ways. We saw God's comforting heart and active love reflected in those around us. Our families rushed quickly to comfort us despite the fear they too were feeling from the situation. Then Fr. Robert from St. Paul's came down in a hurry to offer us comfort and to baptize Daniel not for fear that He would pass away but to do as the Lord had said, to baptize all welcoming them into the family of the Lord offering great comfort to Brandy and to me. Daniel had the rare privilege of being born not just once, but twice in the same day. First he was born of the flesh and then he was born of the Spirit in the name of our Heavenly Father, in the name of His beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, and in the name of the Holy Spirit, our Comforter. Now, the Holy Spirit was moving in the hearts our loved ones. As soon as word reached them, members of several churches began to pray, including those of Tabernacle and St. Paul's Parish. All of our friends and family began to pray and to send their love. God's children were called to action and the Holy Spirit was moving.
Spirit of the Lord, Thank you for giving me such amazing brothers and sisters to pray for us and to support us. I am so grateful beyond words Lord. You continue to move in God's people encouraging them to love one another the way Christ instructed them when He walked the Earth. Thank you for hearing their prayers. I had never felt more loved prior to this point in my life. Lord, they truly are Your hands and Your feet. Thank you Lord for walking with us within our brothers and sisters.
From this point on, I felt renewed in Spirit. I felt not only grateful but full of joy and full of a zealousness to give from which I was given and more. As Brandy and I learned more about the situation and understood that Daniel's life was not in danger, we allowed ourselves to feel at ease. Though it was still difficult being unable to hold our son, we were renewed in strength and comfort by the Holy Spirit each day and the Spirit was speaking in our hearts. So many have said to us that they are impressed with how we have handled the situation but Brandy and I desire to give credit where it is due. God deserves all of the glory, for he has helped us to be brave and to be strong in spite of the circumstances. With God and only with Him do we recognize that we can overcome any obstacle. Circumstances of life change. People come and go. We experience good times and bad. But one thing remains the same, God is always there. His Spirit, our Advocate and our Comforter lives and moves in all of us.
You are my God; Your fire burns in my heart. It's easy in times of great change, great joy, or great distress to make a vow of renewal of my spirit. God, please continue to work in me. Transform me each day. Make me the best father, husband, Catholic Christian, and man that I can possibly be. I recognize that I am weak in my flesh but in Your Spirit, Lord, I am made strong. I know Lord that I struggled in my prayer life before Daniel's arrival. I don't understand why I strayed from prayer. I attended your Supper but I would choose not to retreat to my room to be alone with You. Was it fear, was it anxiety? I do not know. But I am steadfast in changing that. I want Daniel to have a Father that clings to prayer and to Scripture. Scripture says, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Prompt me Spirit at all times to pray and to give thanks. I want to build a deeper relationship with You, my beloved God.
The relationship my wife and I share, for me, ever reflects our relationship with God, particularly Christ, Jesus. He is our constant companion. He wants us to share our entire selves with Him, the good and the bad. He loves us in spite of our faults and inspires us to be our best selves in all aspects of life. In my relationship with God like my relationship with Brandy I want to not only be heard but to hear. I wear a ring on my right hand reflecting my total devotion to my Lord just as a wear a ring on my left reflecting my total devotion to my beloved wife. When I met Brandy, I thought I couldn't love her more. No one had impressed me the way she had with her Faith, with her intelligence, and with her free spirit that could be squashed by no one. When I laid upon her beauty of flesh, mind, and spirit, I saw reflected the beauty of God. Over the past few weeks, Brandy has impressed me in ways I could not imagine. Her deep Faith and passionate love for Christ have only grown more substantial with time. Seeing her love for our son and her dedication to breast feeding as a way of caring for our son during this difficult time is incredible. She is a good mother now and always. I remember that moment I saw her that fateful day at CW and knew she would be my future wife... And I thought I loved her then.
Lord Jesus, I cannot begin to describe how much I love You. You are always a presence in my life in so many ways. Everything about You I find reflected in all of the good of my life. Those whom I love, my family and my friends, the natural world around me, and every good thing that happens in my life that brings me joy reflects Your nature. Everything good that happens on Earth, every good deed is because of You Lord. I know this in my heart. I love who You are more than anything in life and I know that no matter what happens, You will always be with me. Lord Jesus, I long for You. I long to receive You in Your Eucharist. I wish to receive you body, blood, soul, and divinity as often as I can Lord. When I receive Your Body and Blood, I feel whole and complete. I long for Your Word. I hunger for Your Word in Scripture. There I find Your wisdom and what You ask of me, how you want me to live my life. I want to live in no other way than in the way that is most pleasing to You Lord. I want to live in a way that reflects your love to the whole world so this world will know You more and love You more. When someone sees a good quality in me, I know that it is owed to You because You created me and You transform me. I know that during this past week You have been holding me, You have been holding my wife, and You are holding my Son. You are a constant presence in My life Lord and that alone makes me so grateful. I remember when I first fell in love with You as a young man. I learned that You wish to have a strong everlasting relationship with us and that You love us more than we know. We are so loved beyond words and that all good is from You. I saw such beauty in hearing Your Word and in receiving your Body and Blood... And I thought I loved You then.
Dear Lord, thank You for the gift of my son. I thank you that you have given my wife and me the honor and privilege of raising this beautiful boy. I am so grateful to You Lord not only that Daniel is healing and is near recovery but also that You have helped me to see the good in this situation. I don't want to take a single moment with my young family for granted. I want to enjoy every moment with my son to the best of my ability. I want to live my life in a way that reflects You in every action and every thought. I will fail and struggle at times with my son. I will make mistakes, but I feel that I have a stronger head start because of this experience and Lord for that I am grateful.
Lord above all, I can't wait to introduce my son to the One who has always walked with me, to the One who strengthens me, to the One who loves me and my family more than anyone possibly can, to the One who teaches me how to live a good holy life, and to the One whose goodness and beauty are reflected in every good thing on this Earth. Lord God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I can't wait to introduce him to You.
I love You, God, now and always!
Amen
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