My Love Letter to God: Answering the Call

My Love Letter to God: Answering the Call
Written by: Michael Pavano

The Gospel from the May 14th daily Mass on the day of writing this post. God's timing :)

John chapter 15: 9-17

Jesus said to his disciples:
"As the Father loves me, so I also love you.
Remain in my love.
If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love,
just as I have kept my Father's commandments
and remain in his love.

"I have told you this so that my joy might be in you
and your joy might be complete.
This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.
No one has greater love than this,
to lay down one's life for one's friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command you.
I no longer call you slaves,
because a slave does not know what his master is doing.
I have called you friends,
because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.
It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain,
so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.
This I command you: love one another."

We are called. I am called and you are called. We are all called by God to relationship and to duty, to love Him through serving our sisters and brothers. Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love your God and the second was to love your neighbor as yourself. Something so simple yet so profound. God is calling us each and every single day in all of life's moments and decisions. Are we listening? Am I listening? The world today needs us as it has always needed people of Faith. We are the fighters and the lovers. We are the ones who fight for the good of all and we are the ones who love the way Jesus would have us love. That's what we are called to do. To love and to serve. Each of us is called in our own unique way for our own unique mission because each and every one of us has been created by our Loving and Adoring Father. 

It has been my greatest desire in life to answer this call to love and to serve in my own unique way. We all have purpose in this. Life's greatest purpose is revealed when we actively listen for God's call and our greatest adventure begins when we choose to answer that call and go where the Lord is leading us. It may not be where we expected, but it will always be an amazing journey.

Part 1: A Look Back

I felt a call from God when I was very young. My parents were pursuing a new Elementary School for me to attend because I wasn't having a good experience at my present one. All I can recall now is that my parents found St. Paul's and that was when I began attending both the Church and School. I learned later that I informed my parents about the school saying that it was a commercial I had seen on television that led me to want to go there, but there was no commercial around at that time that I would have seen. God had led me there. 

I began to fall in love with what I had witnessed. I saw the other students hands folded and praying all together thanking God for the coming day or asking for blessing over food. What captivated me most, however, was when I began to learn more and more about this Jesus, who He was and is and who He desires us to be. Christ commanded that we not only call His name but follow Him and do as He commanded us to do. Something in me always desired righteousness, to follow rules and I had come upon the source of all righteousness and goodness, Jesus. 

I think for me the hardest part was always in two parts. The first: Following Christ, and the second: Knowing what Christ needs specifically from me. 

As a child following Christ was easier. There was less responsibility and less difficult decisions that had to be made on a daily basis. As I grew older, the decisions that had to be made were more frequent and more complex. Jesus tells us to follow Him wherever He leads and sometimes that means passing through suffering and rejection and even giving up what we want.

I had always had a difficult time figuring out where God was leading me and as many know, still today there are parts of my life that feel clouded in uncertainty, but that's OK. I'd rather be led by Christ on the righteous path through the fog than to take my own path through the clearing to find myself more lost than ever. Remember this most importantly, Christ has a plan for each and every one of us, a plan for you and for me. 

I had for a long time deeply considered priesthood. It started at about the age of 16. I fell madly in love with Jesus and His Church and had this deep desire to serve. I got to know many amazing people as I discerned my calling whether it be the calling of a priest or husband and father. Each step of the way I learned more about myself and I learned so much about the amazing journey to becoming a priest. There have been so many priests that have had amazing impacts on my life. Some have passed on and others have moved on to other parishes but each of them have helped me in developing my relationship with Jesus. They have also helped me in many ways personally teaching me what it means to love as Jesus has loved us, without counting the cost. I invite everyone to pray for vocations to the priesthood and religious life because they are so clearly needed. Priests and religious will always be the leaders and guides of his Earthly Ministry, the Church.

As I discerned priesthood, I began to have deep feelings that God was calling me to have a family of my own. I remember during a Knight's of Columbus meeting I had this very deep feeling as I was gazing upon the cross that there was someone I was about to meet who would impact and change my life tremendously. That person was my wife Brandy, and it is definitely true that my life has certainly changed and that God has touched me in so many beautiful ways as a Father and Husband. This is my calling, my vocation as a layperson with a beautiful family. Within that calling lies a great deal of responsibility which is what this post is truly about. It is often a misconception that priests are the only ones called to be saints and to lead souls to Heaven, but all of us are called to be saints of God and bring disciples to Christ.

Part 2: A Leap Forward/The Call of the Laity

Pope Francis has called the Catholic Church a field hospital for the wounded, the weak, and the broken of the world. He calls the Church into action to not stand back hidden behind walls but out into the world to bring Christ's love and healing to all who need it. This is where I believe the laity play a key role and I have seen it myself many times.

We need to show that we are followers of Christ. As stated in scripture: "A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another. By this all men know that you are My disciples." John 13-34-35. We are often the soldiers on the front lines, fighting the battles day to day. We see all different kinds of people in all different situations at work, at school, or in our own neighborhoods. They each have their own struggles in their daily lives and all of them like each of us are looking for answers and ways to get through it all. They are also watching us intently. 

When I worked for MARC, I would pray each day in my car before going inside. I would make the sign of the cross say a brief morning offering to our Lord, and again cross myself. One day as I was leaving my vehicle, I was approached by another staff member who mentioned the fact that I pray every morning. I responded that I didn't realize that anyone had noticed me. She said, "Trust me, we notice." I'm always amazed that people know that I am a man of Faith because I am also a man of few words, but again they notice. 

When Brandy and I would go to New York for Catholic Underground, I would feel God telling me to bring bags filled with food and drink and daily items for those in need. Inevitably in New York City, people will come up to you asking for assistance. Giving them food, I feel is often the best way to help followed by a God bless you and a short prayer. The idea has again occurred to me with one small addition. When driving around Connecticut, we see people asking for help. A bag filled with some kind of food and drink and a Bible can be the best way to help them, I believe. We all need help at some point in our lives and there is no greater way to help than to show others the love of Christ.

When I was younger, I was so afraid to share my Faith with others for fear of how they would respond. I choose now not to be afraid. As freely as I talk about Brandy and Daniel whom I love, I should feel just as free to talk about the God whom I love and whom loves me. Jesus is the greatest gift bestowed on the world. I feel so deeply in my heart that I want the whole world to share in the glory of this great gift, and that includes my beautiful family. As we grow stronger as a family, we become a more shining example of Faith. Daniel himself will be that great example someday as he shares how an army of believers prayed for him and got both he and us through his surgery, his time spent in the hospital, and the challenges that followed. I want the world to know that we couldn't have done it without our Lord. When I am weak, He makes me strong.

Christ strengthens me to love and to be the best version of myself. I am far from perfect and I am now in a better place to admit that this is ok. Without God, I would fall into sin more often and wouldn't realize the affect that it has on those arounds me. I want to do better for them and for my God. Anytime I resist temptation as a child of God, it is a victory for Heaven. I have the temptation to not give my all on a daily basis, to be lazy in many things, but I cant do that as a disciple of Jesus. Jesus calls us to give everything for everyone as He did when He died on the cross. We need to show the world that to truly be yourself, you need to follow Him and allow him to transform you every day. This is the only way to love others with the sacrificial love of Jesus. 

As laity we are called to bring Christ to the entire world which is itself a lifelong mission. May we never forgot that each of us is called by Christ to do something that only we can do because we are all special in the eyes of the Lord. Thank you Jesus for taking us on an amazing journey! Amen

My Father's Will: The Source of Freedom and Peace

My Father's Will

The Source of Freedom and Peace

Written by: Michael Pavano

God made known to me, what true love consists in and gave light to me about how, in practice, to give proof of it to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God's will. To show God our love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from our love of God. (279) - Diary of Saint Faustina

Hillary Scott & The Scott Family - Thy Will

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp4WC_YZAuw

One passage from the Gospels that I find most shows Christ's humanity comes from His time spent praying in the Garden before He was to be sentenced to death on a cross. This was truly the moment of calm before the storm from a storytelling perspective, but for Jesus, this was a horrifying moment that was anything but calm. He was in agony thinking of His torture to come. In prayer, He begged the Father to take this pain, take this responsibility from Him... But only by His Father's Will. Jesus being human of course did not want to experience pain and death, but He refused to put Himself before His Father and before us. He died for us because it was the Will of the Father. Truly amazing, that in that moment of agony, Jesus prayed that His Father's Will be done before all else. There is so much for us to take away from this, but I want to focus today on how following God and His Holy Will can allow us to experience true freedom and true peace even in the midst of the most difficult moments.

I had a conversation with a co-worker a few days ago about God. He believed that God exists but had some challenges committing Himself to this God. His major complaint which I have heard many times before is that if God is personal, if God is a loving God, then why does He allow bad things to happen to good people. How is that a God he can follow? It's a valid point especially with all the horrendous things that have happened throughout history even in recent history. I had another family member that after the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary said that God cannot be real because otherwise this would not have happened. How do you respond? What are your thoughts on all of this? I don't pretend to have an answer to this question. Sometimes we must learn to live with the mysteries of God. What's most important for us to remember is that God loves us and that He has a special place planned for those who believe in and follow Him. But it's also important to remember that this is a broken world. 

My co-worker believed he had an answer. We have free will to do whatever we desire, so if we choose to do bad things, God will punish us, but if we choose to do good things, God will reward us. I disagree but there is one valid truth in this. We do have free will and from free will comes natural consequences. If someone decides to take the life of another, do you believe this was God's Will? Did God pull the trigger? The answer is no. I also don't believe that God will punish us here on Earth based on our choices. Whether we choose to follow God or not will have natural consequences on Earth and Divine consequences when we leave this Earth, whether we spend eternity with God or Eternity separated from God. The Bible teaches us that God Will's the good of the people, and I believe this with all my heart. We may suffer here which Jesus promised. Scripture says, "Then Jesus told His disciples, 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.…'" There will be suffering in this life, but God desires that He walk with us through the suffering. Knowing this is our greatest source of peace. 

Following the Will of the Father is also our greatest source of freedom. You hear a lot these days that freedom is merely doing what you want to do, but in the life of Faith, freedom frees you to be your true self and to align your Will with God's Will. In my life, there has been so much that I thought I couldn't live without, video games being one example. In reality, I must be OK with the idea of living without all worldly things because I am destined for the things of Heaven. I have often felt trapped into needing video games or needing to overeat or needing to engage in television or videos that only hurt me because I was stressed out or just feeling lost. But in reality, I have the freedom to choose God rather than these things. If I did only what I wanted, I would be at home playing video games or stuffing myself at an all you can drink milkshake buffet all day. That won't save me, that won't help me. Only God's Will can save me and lead me along righteous paths. 

People have often told me that following God will only lead you into this "safe zone," but the more I sought out the Will of God, the further I delved from my comfort zone. I went to college, got my first job, and had a family out of God's calling me forward. Following the Will of God will lead us only to good because that is all God desires for us. Happiness is fleeting and following after the righteous path may come with sorrow but in the end, it is for our greatest good. 

The final point I wish to make is that God gave us free will. He does not force us to love Him. He does not force us to follow Him, but it's through following Him that we can live our greatest life and become our greatest selves. I will forever choose to serve my loving God rather than be a slave to sin, hate, and the things of the world. There is no greater freedom than being able to be your true self and to love freely as God would have you love. 

Renewing My Commitment: The Season of Lent

Renewing My Commitment: The Season of Lent

I often think about Daniel, my son, and how his journey with Christ is only beginning. Born twice in the same day, Daniel was born of flesh and then again of the Holy Spirit. In time, he will come to know the Lord from whom he has come and to whom he now belongs. As he grows older, he will renew that belonging, that commitment in a number of ways: every time he prays and attends mass with his family, every time he receives one the Lord's sacraments, and every time he chooses to love Him in each step and season in his life. This is a journey that we all must take, and one that is perhaps life's most challenging and without a doubt its most rewarding. There is one such season that serves to gear us toward that idea of renewing our commitment to Christ, a season that serves as a great journey within a journey, and a season that reminds us that Christ first committed Himself to us forever when He died on the cross for us, even before we came to know His name. This season is the season of Lent. 

My family knows that Lent is one of my favorite times of the year. It is a time in which we make sacrifices from financial to physical. From giving to the poor, to telling my friends that I will pass on the chicken on Fridays because it is my day to abstain from meat, to making a chosen personal sacrifice that may surprise those around me like choosing to pray rather than go on Youtube, there are many different sacrifices that we make during Lent. But to what purpose do they serve? Self-sacrifice or giving something up for Lent shouldn't be done just for it's own sake or for some secular reason, which is something I had done often when I was younger, but for a far greater reason. We should take something out of our lives that is unnecessary or even that may seem necessary to make more room for Christ in our lives. 

This happens in secular life too. When I made a commitment to Brandy in matrimony, I decided that I would be choosing her over myself and my wants in my life. I would think of her in my decisions, not just once but every day. I remember when we first got together, I told her that I was All In. I truly meant that and I still mean it, and I remember being amazed when I learned that this is the exact phrase she said to Jesus when she gave her life to Him. 

Today, instead of spending most of my time on Youtube, I chose to downgrade my phone, so I could spend more quality time with my son and less time with technology and WatchMojo videos. Even going to the gym, which is beneficial means nothing compared to spending time with my family. I can find other ways to stay physically fit like going for walks with Daniel and Brandy and doing some cardio at home. By removing other things from my life, I am making more room for my family, though it can often be very challenging.

When I choose every Sunday to go to Mass rather than just staying home and playing a video game or choosing something else that is often without meaning or purpose, I am making more room for Christ in my life. By choosing to read the bible daily instead of fantasy novels which are my personal favorites :), I am choosing to enhance my relationship with Christ rather than choosing entertainment. 

These are smaller examples of a much larger picture. Putting Christ first and choosing to commit ourselves to Christ each day, and in each decision we make in life is the key to having a good one. We often think that we know what's best, but truly God does, and He not only knows what's best but dearly wants it for us. I've made many decisions and done a lot that I thought would make me happy. There was a point in my life when I thought I couldn't live without playing video games. There truly was and to this day, it's still a struggle. I want to invest hours in it, but I have not committed myself to video games, I have not committed myself to sexual thoughts or pleasures, I have not committed myself to any television program or series on Youtube, and I have not committed myself to any part of this world. In my baptism, on the day I was Confirmed, on the day I took my vows in Matrimony, I committed myself to God and ultimately to loving Him through my devotion to His teachings, to my spouse, to my future children, and to my Church. 

But that commitment did not end on any one of those days. Baptism is not the end, it's the beginning. Each day I can choose to renew my Love for Christ by choosing to follow Him in word and deed, by choosing to seek forgiveness in the sacrament of Reconciliation, by choosing to get to know Him through reading Scripture and celebrating the Mass, and by choosing to make room in my heart, so that I may forever have a place for Him there that is free from sin, free from unnecessary baggage, and free to Love Him without ceasing just in the same way as He loves me. There is no better time than Lent to take a look at our hearts and to see where we can make room to renew our commitment to Him.

Father, You are our glorious and beloved God, and You are the Great One deserving of all love and devotion. Thank you for choosing me even before You knit me in the womb. Please help me to renew the commitment, the promise made at my Baptism, that I would forever devote myself to You and to Your Will. This is hard Lord and many days I fail. I choose not to pray, or I choose not to love someone desperately in need of it. Please help me to follow You and to answer your call not just during the Lenten Season but each and every day of my life. I love You Lord now and forever. Amen. 

Remind Me Lord

Remind Me Lord

 A Prayer For Those Enduring the Storm
Written By: Michael Pavano

Father, I feel the storms of life surrounding me. The lightning crashes and the thunder booms. The rain pours down upon me. The stress, the pressure, the rejection, the responsibility, they consume me. To give of myself is my dying wish oh, Lord. For that is why I am here. To see the joy in their eyes, the smiles upon their faces, the greatness within them brought to a surface. They reflect You. Is it enough? Can I bear another day? We all have gifts, we all have talents, we all have reasons for which we are here and for which we fight. Will it stand while the storms rage? I am drowning. Will I be overcome?

Father, The waters rise and envelop me. The waves crash against me on all sides. I feel this distance between me and the Holy One. I feel this striking pain in my heart saying that I cannot overcome. I am confronted by a force that seeks to rob me of my joy and leave me with nothing but doubt and uncertainty. Who torments me? From where does my enemy attack me? My enemy lies within my own mind, watching and waiting for the opportune moment to strike. How can I conquer an enemy I cannot see? With every bad turn, my mind reminds me, yet another check on my list of errors, mistakes, and failures. Is it a reflection of the world, the deceptions, the selfishness, the hatreds. Can I remember that for which I fight? Will it stand while the storms rage? I am drowning. Will I be overcome?

Father, another rejection... I remember why I am here. I must persist. Another mistake... the voice within speaks loudly, but I am holding on. Another responsibility... Can I bear anymore? I feel it slipping. Another lost friendship... I am forgetting. I cannot, I cannot forget. Another betrayal... The forces of this world are too strong. It's slipping further. Another broken heart... I cannot remember, I have forgotten. I have forgotten.

When the forces of darkness, of sin, of hatred, of doubt, of sorrow reign with such ferocity, with such power, with such a loud roar, how can I have quiet, calm, and peace? How can I resist? How can I remember?

I cannot! I am drowning! I am overcome!
Lord, please,
Help me remember...
Lord, please,
 Remind me...

Matthew 28: 19-20

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." 

Mark 4: 35-41 

"Then He got into the boat followed by His disciples. Suddenly a storm broke over the lake, so violent that the boat was being swamped by the waves. But He was asleep. So they went to him and woke Him saying, 'Save us, Lord, we are lost!' And He said to them, 'Why are you so frightened, you who have so little faith?' And then He stood up and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm. They were astounded and said, 'Whatever kind of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him?'

Luke 10:18-20

 He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."

John 16: 33

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Remind me Lord:

 That the storms of this world cannot overcome me for you have overcome the world.

Remind me Lord:

That there is not one who can remove my joy because You alone are my joy.

Remind me Lord:

That you have freed me from my sins and that I am forgiven.

Remind me Lord:

That you don't call the qualified but qualify the called.

Remind me Lord:

That Your very Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, I receive when I come before Your Altar. 

Remind me Lord:

That Your blood was shed so that I and my loved ones may live.

Remind me Lord:

That what I do for the least among us, I do for You.

Remind me Lord:

That You love me beyond any love imaginable.

Remind me Lord:

That this life is only temporary, but that life with You is Eternity. 

Remind me Lord:

That You are my loving Father and I am Your beloved child. 

Remind me Lord:

That I am not alone and that the Church of Earth and Heaven are one Body, Your Body.

Remind me Lord:

That You help me to carry my burdens for You are gentle and humble of heart.

Remind me Lord:

That You will guide my hands and my feet if only I choose to follow Your Will.

Remind me Lord:

That You are the Good Shepard and that You will lead me along righteous paths.

Remind me Lord:

That there is a peace that only You can give.

In those moments when the storm seems to be overcoming my entire being, when I feel my hope fading, and when I am forgetting that You are with me through all things, remind me Lord, That You alone are God. This is the Truth that stands through all time. 

 I love You my Lord: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and You love me, and that, may I always remember.

The Bright Light of the Faithful

In many different areas of my life, I've come across Christians from all walks of life that have all had one thing in common. I could feel the Spirit radiating form their hearts. Their love for Christ was so evident, so strong that it created a magnetic force within them attracting me to them. They were and are a light shining on a hill made for all to see and follow. We are all created to be lights both bright and beautiful that shine for all to see. I wish to share a few examples of strong witness among the Faithful.

The idea for this post came about when I was distributing the Holy Eucharist to the Faithful one early morning. I absolutely adore being an Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist and have always seen the immediate results of my giving Christ in the Flesh to my fellow Catholic Christians, but on this day I noticed something that I hadn't in a very long time. Christ made me aware of the reactions, the faces, the overall responses of those receiving Christ in the Eucharist. I witnessed such genuine smiles and actions that went far beyond just "Going through the motions Catholicism." Upon receiving Christ, I heard one young woman proclaim a very strong AMEN! and I witnessed this person marking herself with the sign of the cross with such passion and understanding of what just took place. She received within herself the very Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ, and marked herself with the Great Sign of His love and protection. She knew what was happening, accepted it, and fully embraced it, and I was well aware of that. 

Several years ago, I served as a Master of Ceremonies, basically a lead alter server with a fancier robe. It was the Good Friday Prayer Service and we were instructed to bring a large crucifix before the alter and hold it as the Faithful came up to worship Christ through venerating His image on the cross. This was actually my first experience attending this service. Each person would either touch or kiss the cross or image of Christ. There were others who would also bow and make the Sign of the Cross before it. I remember seeing young children smiling as they would come up to kiss the hand of the image of Christ and then walk away holding their parent's hand proclaiming proudly how they kissed Jesus. What stood out most of me were the Faithful who truly took in the moment as seen on their expression on their face. They recognized that Our Chris died on a cross, so that we might live and live more abundantly than we could ever have imagined. Each person I came across in those moments accepted this truth and embraced it and I was well aware of that.


About two or three years ago, I came across Catholic Underground for the first time. A truly wonderful experience of Eucharistic Adoration accompanied by Evening Prayer and music. I fell in love from my first experience with this form of worship. Christ before us, there to be worshiped and adored. One of my favorite parts of Catholic Underground is that we have the opportunity to kneel or sit directly before Christ in the Eucharist. It always reminds me of art depicting the apostles laying or sitting close to the Lord as He preached to them. There was one night, in which a lot of the younger worshipers came up and sat before the Lord. One young woman in particular knelt directly in front of the Lord and was worshiping hands out singing loudly. We were singing Oceans by Hillsong United. As we were still singing, she stopped and spoke loudly enough for me to hear, "Lord, I am yours, I am yours," proclaiming it as she gestured from her heart out to Him, signifying that her whole self belonged to Christ and to Christ alone. We all belong to Christ which cries out the truth that nothing in this world can touch us because we are His. She knew what was happening, accepted it, and fully embraced it, and I was well aware of that.

Each of these stories shows Christians devoted to Christ and though they were most likely unaware that others were watching, others were indeed watching. I certainty was and their Faith inspired me and my Faith. I think we don't always recognize the impact we have upon others just by being ourselves and worshiping God. I struggle with this a lot. Those Christians did not purposefully try to act Holy, so that others might see, they just were. Their Faith shown brightly just because they have made a decision to follow Christ and live as Christ would have them live. It's been said many times before, there is no greater adventure than to live a life devoted to Christ. When we take that walk, there is this light within us that shines brighter than any other.

Lately, I've taken a step back from a lot due to a great many stresses in my life, but I hope to write more often again. I've felt this calling deep in my heart to speak of Christ to others and with others as they express there own walks. If anyone ever wishes to discuss Faith, please feel free to email me at mmichael92@aol.com or message me through Facebook. 

I'd also like to take a moment to post a link to a Youtube video created by a close friend and Godfather to my son. In his video, Adam talks about his conversion story to the Catholic Faith. It's an amazing video/story and I encourage you to take the time to check it out. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVeY_FRO4gw&fbclid=IwAR3pi5oSCbGczVztmClGM-XqGQCBa15G2B-wuXVdfk-ZcFcxIuySsDAqUTc

"Heavenly Father, Thank you for giving us this great community of the Faithful to worship and glorify You together. Please help all of us to live out our lives and faith lives as true examples, with passion and understanding knowing that with our worship we acknowledge that you are God, that You love us, and that we live because of You. Amen!" 

My Love Letter to God: Why I'm Catholic

Part 1: How the Church Raised Me

Since I was young, when someone would compliment my mom on how good of a job she did raising me, she would always give the same response baffling the questioner, "I didn't raise him. He raised himself." I believe there are two meanings behind this response. Firstly, my mom believes that ultimately, you are who you are. It's the great nature vs. nurture debate. She believes that no matter what you go through in life and no matter what you are taught, you will respond based on what is in your heart and soul. You are created a certain way, so you will always be you. I believe that there is some truth to my mother's belief in that, but there is a little more.

My parents did an amazing job of teaching me about having a strong work ethic, about not expecting things to be served to you on a silver platter, and about giving all you have until it hurts and then giving a little more. My parents also gave me a wonderful home to grow up in, meals to eat every night, and love that was unconditional, but they also gave me something else, something unexpected, something that I chose based on something that never existed, something that changed who I would later become. As I said before, my parents always taught me to know God but because they traveled so often, going to church was not part of the normal routine until I got older, and then, I couldn't imagine my life without it. God, I believe used His Church to form me as He knew I was meant to become. They say it takes a village to raise a child. For me, it took a Church.

When I was in first grade in the Berlin Elementary School system, there was a child with whom I did not get along. It was the first time I was taken advantage of in my life and I knew I didn't want to go back to that school. I told my parents that I wanted to go somewhere else and we began looking. I'm told the story goes, I went to my parents after watching a commercial on television, a commercial for St. Paul's Catholic Elementary School. We were Catholic but did not practice much due to the business, but my parents knew this would be good for me and would be a great solution to the situation, so they joined St. Paul's and enrolled me in the school. The crazy part was, however, that there was no commercial for the school at that time. God wanted me to be there.

My greatest lessons at St. Paul's revolved around Faith and the love of an eternal God. From the beginning, Jesus was my best friend and I looked up to Him as a child would a super hero. The Man who laid down His life for His friends. I couldn't imagine a greater example to follow. There were several critical moments that remained with me and these are just some of them:

I struggled to be away from my mother. Ever the little Italian mamma's boy, I felt great anxiety when I was away from her and it got to the point that it interfered with my functioning at school. Thankfully, there was an incredible nun at St. Paul's who acted as the school's guidance counselor. She introduced me to Mary, the mother of our Lord and showed me that Jesus gave His own mother to us, so that she can bring us back to Him as any good mother would. She gave me a Miraculous Medal of Mary that remained around my neck until the day I left the school. 

It was the perfect sign for me that I wasn't alone. God was with me, and the entire family of Heaven was with me. This was also my introduction to the Saints. I saw them as guides and mentors that had been through it before and had turned to God in life and had been transformed because of Him. They were there to pray for me as my brother and sister Christians. Sister Ellen was a great mentor for me and helped me through a lot of my anxiety for several years. She and others also helped initiate several school activities that I remember fondly. The first was peacemaker of the month and the other was the chain of good deeds. Every time you saw someone doing a good deed, you would write down their name on a peace of paper that would be added to the chain that ended up lining the whole school by the end of the year. 

My favorite part of each day (outside of lunch of course) was when we would pray in the mornings and during special occasions through the day. Once a month we would attend mass, and the church would be packed with kids all there to embrace God. I came to know all of St. Paul's priests and staff. They seemed so full of joy and peace and love. I remember one priest spoke to us saying that there was one thing that truly moved His heart toward the priesthood. It was the joy of the gospel he saw on the faces of the priests he knew that helped him see that the Catholic Faith was meant to be about joy and love, not about rules and sorrow.

As I grew older, I saw how the religion classes went deeper into our Faith. Every teacher taught us something new about God and his relationship with us, but there was one teacher whose lessons stuck with me more than any other. A sample assignment from his classroom read, make sure you go to church on Sunday and give Jesus a great big hug. He would also assign us Bible homework as a way of helping us know and understand the scriptures. What stuck out most for me was his passion for God and His Church. He would come to us with great glee when he would talk out each lesson, something I admired and hope to emulate in my every day discussions with others about God. Ask my wife, I still quote him to this day. We also had a passion play in which I played Christ. It was an amazing experience and helped me to focus on Christ's sacrifice and what it truly meant.

All of the previously mentioned lessons and more helped me to determine how I wanted to live my life and what or who I wanted to be at the center of everything in my life, but the school itself only served as the foundation for what would come. When I turned 14, I was home schooled because my parents would travel for business, and I would go with them. From that point on, I didn't let go of the faith I new from my childhood, and I wanted so desperately to go deeper. Then at 18, I returned to the church that raised me and allowed God to transform me. Being able to bring myself to church was the primary drive (no pun intended) to get my license. I had begun attending mass weekly but I also felt an urge to go daily. This was confirmed by our priest during confession one day. I'll get more into Confession in part 2. I was about to enter the church one day, and I heard voices. I was scared off thinking I must have the wrong time. I wasn't going to come back but that urge persisted and I returned. I remember looking through the window at 7:00 in the morning wondering should I go in. I again said no and began to walk away until I heard laughter coming from nowhere and everywhere. For some reason, it gave me the motivation to return to the church, open the door, and experience Christ in a new way at the Daily Mass. I attended nearly every day, not wanting to miss one. I knew that God was touching my heart and I stayed a devoted Catholic knowing that it was in that Church where I encountered my God. This leads me into part 2, but first a disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I've been wanting for awhile to make this post but I've been waiting until it felt right. I believe that all people are beloved children of God, and people of all Faiths deserve respect. In the second part that follows, I will go into my beliefs and describe what they are, why I believe them, and how they've impacted me. I deeply respect everyone from all Faiths and love hearing from them about what they believe and why. I'm often afraid to do the same for fear of offending others or coming across as an advertisement or as defensive of my own beliefs but in reality, I feel it's important regardless to tell the entire story of how God comes to me, including how He comes to me through the teachings of the Catholic Church, where I find His most Divine Presence.

          

                                               Part 2: His Divine Presence

In 2nd grade, I remember sitting in mass with a fellow student and our teacher. I hadn't attended CCD and as I said before, we didn't attend mass all that often, so there was a great deal that was new to me and that I didn't know. The little girl next to me was not Catholic as she only attended St. Paul's Elementary School, so she was likewise unfamiliar with much of Catholic tradition and teaching. We arrived at the moment of consecration, the most mysterious and as I would soon learn, the most beautiful part of the mass. "Take this, all of you, and eat of it, for this is my Body, which will be given up for you. Take this, all of you, and drink from it for this is the chalice of my Blood, the Blood of the new and eternal covenant, which will be poured out for you and for many for the forgiveness of sins. Do this in memory of me." After our priest finished speaking, my young classmate next to me said, "Did His apostles think that was gross when Jesus told them to eat his Body and drink His Blood?" My teacher smiled in response, gave a small chuckle, and said, "Yes, I'm sure they did." Is that something that should be gross? Is it something that shouldn't be taken literally? It all depends on who you ask. Now that I'm older and have grown firmly as a Catholic, if you were to ask me that question I would say, "That is my beloved Lord Jesus, and I wouldn't want it any other way. :)   

One of the first times I took Brandy to mass, Fr. Charles, one of St. Paul's priests was officiating and he had arrived at the moment of consecration. As he lifted up the bread and wine, he would always pause a moment and would speak every word slowly and gracefully because he knew it was not him speaking. Then after speaking the words of Christ, he would pause and look at Christ. Brandy saw this moment and said to me after mass that the way Fr. Charles looks at the Eucharist is the way a husband looks at his wife with such love and devotion. 

Catholics believe that at that moment of Consecration where the priest lifts the chalice of wine and the bread, they become in a literal real way, the very Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ. Catholics do believe that God comes to all of us at all times, he is indeed omnipotent, but He also chooses to come to us in very special ways and none more special than this to me. He comes to us so that we may receive His entire essence. It retains the physical and chemical signs of bread and wine, but it is no longer bread and wine. It changes in a way that is beyond our senses. It is a metaphysical change. It's substance has changed the way that we are changed when we come to Christ, a change that can not be seen by merely looking at someone's outward appearance. Christ transforms our very souls and He transforms the simple gifts of bread and wine into His Body and Blood that was poured out for us. This becomes His greatest gift, the gift of Himself. A miracle occurs at every mass. This is that miracle, and this is His divine presence. 

Everyone has a different experience of religion, some better than others.  For me, I define my religion as, a relationship with God that is developed through religious practices that serve only to enhance that relationship, not take away from it. My belief is that the teachings of a Faith if inspired by the Holy Spirit like Scripture are perfect, but those human beings put in charge of that Faith are not perfect. Everything we do, especially during mass is meant to help us keep our minds and our hearts on God. Before the priest reads from the Gospel, he and the congregation make a sign with their hands. We cross ourselves on the head, on the lips, and on the heart, asking God to help us understand His Word, speak His Word, and forever keep His Word in our Hearts, because the Word too is Christ and that too is how He comes to us. He is the Word made flesh.

The Eucharist is one of seven sacraments all meant to bestow upon us the grace of Christ in many different ways. Each helps us to form a special bond with Christ that only Christ could form. In the sacraments the priest, deacon, or bishop may be speaking visibly but only because Christ speaks through them. This is very much true in Confession. Catholics believe that God asks us to confess our sins to one another. One scripture points to this: "Jesus said to them again, 'Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you.' And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” The apostles only forgave sins because of the power of the Holy Spirit bestowed upon them and likewise with the priests and bishops of today.

Confession has always made me feel so free and has given me the opportunity to talk through my sins, guilt, temptations, and anxiety. Confession was the perfect opportunity for God to speak to me through the priest who would often say things that resonated with me and knew things they should not have known. They would help me through the situation giving me practical and spiritual advice. It was at the request of a priest asked during confession that I began to attend mass daily. I've always seen penance as a way of reconnecting with God after a fall. It usually involves prayer. After we make a mistake, the most important thing we can do is talk to the person and move forward. God wants to forgive us. He wants to share his mercy.

One of my favorite Saint stories is the story of Saint Faustina, a young nun who had visions of Jesus imploring her to share the truth of His endless mercy with the world. I invite anyone of any Christian background to read her diary, the Diary of Saint Faustina. It's very powerful and shows how much God loves us. We are sinners, we make mistakes, but because we are now children of God, He can take us and make us clean at any moment as long as we have a repentant heart. We need to invite Him in. God won't force us to do anything. He gave us free will.

The saints for a Catholic are our brothers and sisters and our mentors. They are the ones who went before us and lived the Christian life. In life they were not perfect, but they followed the perfect will of the Father and are made perfect by Him in Heaven. Catholics do not believe that priests, bishops, or popes are perfect, only their roles as influenced by the power of Christ through the working of the Holy Spirit are perfect. Praying to a Saint to me more or less means asking for them to pray for us while honoring their memory just as you would ask a family member or friend to pray for you and then thank them for their prayers and their presence in your life. To me being a saint is not some distant milestone that should be sought after with fear and anxiety, but it's something attainable by all. All of us can follow Christ, therefore, pursuing the Father's Will which is the key to Holiness. Holiness is when our will aligns with the Will of the Father.

I spoke in the previous part about my relationship with Mary. I hear people say at times that Catholics worship Mary and place her as equal to the Holy Trinity or make her a part of the Trinity. I'm sure there are some misguided Catholics who do this but Catholic teaching around Mary all leads to Jesus, her Son. God had to choose the right vessel to house the Lord and to care for the Lord in his early years of life on the Earth. St. Joseph too is honored as part of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I've known many Catholics some of whom became priests who were led to Christ by the influence of Mary His mother. Mary is honored because Jesus is her Son. Catholics point to a gospel passage among others for one reason why we believe Jesus wants us to have a relationship with Mary as a spiritual mother. John 19: 25-29 reads, "Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, 'Woman, behold your son!' Then He said to the disciple, 'Behold your mother!' And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home." The beloved disciple is often believed to be John, the writer of the gospel of John. That figure is sometimes also interpreted to be us Christians because we are all the beloved disciples of Christ. Catholics interpret that passage as Jesus asking us to invite Mary into our hearts because she was so precious to Him and because He knows she will lead others to Him. The rosary, for example, is an intimate connection with Christ in which we pray with Mary to God while focusing on different aspects of the life of Christ and our own relationship to Him. While praying the rosary, I once had a vision. I was praying on the Garden of Gethsemane and I saw Mary pointing to Jesus as he was kneeling desperate in prayer with the Father. Sometimes, I have difficulty focusing my attention on God in prayer, but this helped me greatly and I was able to focus on that intimate moment of Jesus's life in which He showed that He was truly both human and divine and was someone I can connect with and relate to.

I'm going to end with one more story about the Eucharist. When I began to explore other denominations of Christianity, I began to doubt my own beliefs which led me to doubting God because its all I've known my whole life. It made me realize that my Faith was built on sand rather than rock. I knew Christ, but I didn't go deep enough into His teachings to see what I believed and more importantly why I believed them. One day, Brandy and I went to Catholic Underground in New York for Eucharistic Adoration which is the placing of the Eucharist on the altar in a monstrance, a special vessel for the Eucharist. I always felt called to sit beside as many others do at Adoration because I want to sit beside Jesus like those in the days when He walked the Earth teaching about the Kingdom. In a stirring moment while worship music was playing I bowed on my knees before the Eucharist in tears. After adoration had ended, I went to Brandy and she told me that she saw something. She said, "I saw Christ walking to each of you by the altar. He was smiling. as you were bowing and He placed his hand gently on your back guiding you as you bowed before Him." He was truly present. In the midst of everything, I knew that I needed to research and learn more about what Catholics believe and why. It led to a lot of searching in my heart and I found that I am exactly where I belong and where I find Christ's most divine presence.



This is not true in everyone's case. Some do not feel the connection to the teachings of the Church that I do. I've known others who have had truly awful experiences at the hands of truly awful individuals form all walks of life in religious circles. I personally know that God speaks through all because where two or three are gathered, God can be found. Thank you as always for reading and I would love to hear your questions, thoughts, and experiences as well. Please feel free to contact me.

Dear God, we love you infinitely! You are our amazing God. Though we may come form different backgrounds and walks of life, we all have one thing in common, we are all beloved by You and we all long for peace and love. May we seek to learn from each other no matter our differences. God, thank you for your continued Divine Presence in our lives. I don't know where I'd be without you and your Will for my life. I long to be more like You by becoming that which I consume. God, please bless all of your children, especially those who have felt pushed away from you by others. Make all of us Christians a perfect example of your love and grace. Bless us Lord and bring us into Your loving embrace. Amen!