Part 1: How the Church Raised Me
My parents did an amazing job of teaching me about having a strong work ethic, about not expecting things to be served to you on a silver platter, and about giving all you have until it hurts and then giving a little more. My parents also gave me a wonderful home to grow up in, meals to eat every night, and love that was unconditional, but they also gave me something else, something unexpected, something that I chose based on something that never existed, something that changed who I would later become. As I said before, my parents always taught me to know God but because they traveled so often, going to church was not part of the normal routine until I got older, and then, I couldn't imagine my life without it. God, I believe used His Church to form me as He knew I was meant to become. They say it takes a village to raise a child. For me, it took a Church.
When I was in first grade in the Berlin Elementary School system, there was a child with whom I did not get along. It was the first time I was taken advantage of in my life and I knew I didn't want to go back to that school. I told my parents that I wanted to go somewhere else and we began looking. I'm told the story goes, I went to my parents after watching a commercial on television, a commercial for St. Paul's Catholic Elementary School. We were Catholic but did not practice much due to the business, but my parents knew this would be good for me and would be a great solution to the situation, so they joined St. Paul's and enrolled me in the school. The crazy part was, however, that there was no commercial for the school at that time. God wanted me to be there.
My greatest lessons at St. Paul's revolved around Faith and the love of an eternal God. From the beginning, Jesus was my best friend and I looked up to Him as a child would a super hero. The Man who laid down His life for His friends. I couldn't imagine a greater example to follow. There were several critical moments that remained with me and these are just some of them:
I struggled to be away from my mother. Ever the little Italian mamma's boy, I felt great anxiety when I was away from her and it got to the point that it interfered with my functioning at school. Thankfully, there was an incredible nun at St. Paul's who acted as the school's guidance counselor. She introduced me to Mary, the mother of our Lord and showed me that Jesus gave His own mother to us, so that she can bring us back to Him as any good mother would. She gave me a Miraculous Medal of Mary that remained around my neck until the day I left the school.
My greatest lessons at St. Paul's revolved around Faith and the love of an eternal God. From the beginning, Jesus was my best friend and I looked up to Him as a child would a super hero. The Man who laid down His life for His friends. I couldn't imagine a greater example to follow. There were several critical moments that remained with me and these are just some of them:
I struggled to be away from my mother. Ever the little Italian mamma's boy, I felt great anxiety when I was away from her and it got to the point that it interfered with my functioning at school. Thankfully, there was an incredible nun at St. Paul's who acted as the school's guidance counselor. She introduced me to Mary, the mother of our Lord and showed me that Jesus gave His own mother to us, so that she can bring us back to Him as any good mother would. She gave me a Miraculous Medal of Mary that remained around my neck until the day I left the school.
It was the perfect sign for me that I wasn't alone. God was with me, and the entire family of Heaven was with me. This was also my introduction to the Saints. I saw them as guides and mentors that had been through it before and had turned to God in life and had been transformed because of Him. They were there to pray for me as my brother and sister Christians. Sister Ellen was a great mentor for me and helped me through a lot of my anxiety for several years. She and others also helped initiate several school activities that I remember fondly. The first was peacemaker of the month and the other was the chain of good deeds. Every time you saw someone doing a good deed, you would write down their name on a peace of paper that would be added to the chain that ended up lining the whole school by the end of the year.
My favorite part of each day (outside of lunch of course) was when we would pray in the mornings and during special occasions through the day. Once a month we would attend mass, and the church would be packed with kids all there to embrace God. I came to know all of St. Paul's priests and staff. They seemed so full of joy and peace and love. I remember one priest spoke to us saying that there was one thing that truly moved His heart toward the priesthood. It was the joy of the gospel he saw on the faces of the priests he knew that helped him see that the Catholic Faith was meant to be about joy and love, not about rules and sorrow.
As I grew older, I saw how the religion classes went deeper into our Faith. Every teacher taught us something new about God and his relationship with us, but there was one teacher whose lessons stuck with me more than any other. A sample assignment from his classroom read, make sure you go to church on Sunday and give Jesus a great big hug. He would also assign us Bible homework as a way of helping us know and understand the scriptures. What stuck out most for me was his passion for God and His Church. He would come to us with great glee when he would talk out each lesson, something I admired and hope to emulate in my every day discussions with others about God. Ask my wife, I still quote him to this day. We also had a passion play in which I played Christ. It was an amazing experience and helped me to focus on Christ's sacrifice and what it truly meant.
All of the previously mentioned lessons and more helped me to determine how I wanted to live my life and what or who I wanted to be at the center of everything in my life, but the school itself only served as the foundation for what would come. When I turned 14, I was home schooled because my parents would travel for business, and I would go with them. From that point on, I didn't let go of the faith I new from my childhood, and I wanted so desperately to go deeper. Then at 18, I returned to the church that raised me and allowed God to transform me. Being able to bring myself to church was the primary drive (no pun intended) to get my license. I had begun attending mass weekly but I also felt an urge to go daily. This was confirmed by our priest during confession one day. I'll get more into Confession in part 2. I was about to enter the church one day, and I heard voices. I was scared off thinking I must have the wrong time. I wasn't going to come back but that urge persisted and I returned. I remember looking through the window at 7:00 in the morning wondering should I go in. I again said no and began to walk away until I heard laughter coming from nowhere and everywhere. For some reason, it gave me the motivation to return to the church, open the door, and experience Christ in a new way at the Daily Mass. I attended nearly every day, not wanting to miss one. I knew that God was touching my heart and I stayed a devoted Catholic knowing that it was in that Church where I encountered my God. This leads me into part 2, but first a disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I've been wanting for awhile to make this post but I've been waiting until it felt right. I believe that all people are beloved children of God, and people of all Faiths deserve respect. In the second part that follows, I will go into my beliefs and describe what they are, why I believe them, and how they've impacted me. I deeply respect everyone from all Faiths and love hearing from them about what they believe and why. I'm often afraid to do the same for fear of offending others or coming across as an advertisement or as defensive of my own beliefs but in reality, I feel it's important regardless to tell the entire story of how God comes to me, including how He comes to me through the teachings of the Catholic Church, where I find His most Divine Presence.
All of the previously mentioned lessons and more helped me to determine how I wanted to live my life and what or who I wanted to be at the center of everything in my life, but the school itself only served as the foundation for what would come. When I turned 14, I was home schooled because my parents would travel for business, and I would go with them. From that point on, I didn't let go of the faith I new from my childhood, and I wanted so desperately to go deeper. Then at 18, I returned to the church that raised me and allowed God to transform me. Being able to bring myself to church was the primary drive (no pun intended) to get my license. I had begun attending mass weekly but I also felt an urge to go daily. This was confirmed by our priest during confession one day. I'll get more into Confession in part 2. I was about to enter the church one day, and I heard voices. I was scared off thinking I must have the wrong time. I wasn't going to come back but that urge persisted and I returned. I remember looking through the window at 7:00 in the morning wondering should I go in. I again said no and began to walk away until I heard laughter coming from nowhere and everywhere. For some reason, it gave me the motivation to return to the church, open the door, and experience Christ in a new way at the Daily Mass. I attended nearly every day, not wanting to miss one. I knew that God was touching my heart and I stayed a devoted Catholic knowing that it was in that Church where I encountered my God. This leads me into part 2, but first a disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I've been wanting for awhile to make this post but I've been waiting until it felt right. I believe that all people are beloved children of God, and people of all Faiths deserve respect. In the second part that follows, I will go into my beliefs and describe what they are, why I believe them, and how they've impacted me. I deeply respect everyone from all Faiths and love hearing from them about what they believe and why. I'm often afraid to do the same for fear of offending others or coming across as an advertisement or as defensive of my own beliefs but in reality, I feel it's important regardless to tell the entire story of how God comes to me, including how He comes to me through the teachings of the Catholic Church, where I find His most Divine Presence.
Part 2: His Divine Presence
In 2nd grade, I remember sitting in mass with a fellow student and our teacher. I hadn't attended CCD and as I said before, we didn't attend mass all that often, so there was a great deal that was new to me and that I didn't know. The little girl next to me was not Catholic as she only attended St. Paul's Elementary School, so she was likewise unfamiliar with much of Catholic tradition and teaching. We arrived at the moment of consecration, the most mysterious and as I would soon learn, the most beautiful part of the mass. "Take this, all of you, and eat of it, for this is my Body, which will be given up for you. Take this, all of you, and drink from it for this is the chalice of my Blood, the Blood of the new and eternal covenant, which will be poured out for you and for many for the forgiveness of sins. Do this in memory of me." After our priest finished speaking, my young classmate next to me said, "Did His apostles think that was gross when Jesus told them to eat his Body and drink His Blood?" My teacher smiled in response, gave a small chuckle, and said, "Yes, I'm sure they did." Is that something that should be gross? Is it something that shouldn't be taken literally? It all depends on who you ask. Now that I'm older and have grown firmly as a Catholic, if you were to ask me that question I would say, "That is my beloved Lord Jesus, and I wouldn't want it any other way. :)
One of the first times I took Brandy to mass, Fr. Charles, one of St. Paul's priests was officiating and he had arrived at the moment of consecration. As he lifted up the bread and wine, he would always pause a moment and would speak every word slowly and gracefully because he knew it was not him speaking. Then after speaking the words of Christ, he would pause and look at Christ. Brandy saw this moment and said to me after mass that the way Fr. Charles looks at the Eucharist is the way a husband looks at his wife with such love and devotion.
Catholics believe that at that moment of Consecration where the priest lifts the chalice of wine and the bread, they become in a literal real way, the very Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ. Catholics do believe that God comes to all of us at all times, he is indeed omnipotent, but He also chooses to come to us in very special ways and none more special than this to me. He comes to us so that we may receive His entire essence. It retains the physical and chemical signs of bread and wine, but it is no longer bread and wine. It changes in a way that is beyond our senses. It is a metaphysical change. It's substance has changed the way that we are changed when we come to Christ, a change that can not be seen by merely looking at someone's outward appearance. Christ transforms our very souls and He transforms the simple gifts of bread and wine into His Body and Blood that was poured out for us. This becomes His greatest gift, the gift of Himself. A miracle occurs at every mass. This is that miracle, and this is His divine presence.
Everyone has a different experience of religion, some better than others. For me, I define my religion as, a relationship with God that is developed through religious practices that serve only to enhance that relationship, not take away from it. My belief is that the teachings of a Faith if inspired by the Holy Spirit like Scripture are perfect, but those human beings put in charge of that Faith are not perfect. Everything we do, especially during mass is meant to help us keep our minds and our hearts on God. Before the priest reads from the Gospel, he and the congregation make a sign with their hands. We cross ourselves on the head, on the lips, and on the heart, asking God to help us understand His Word, speak His Word, and forever keep His Word in our Hearts, because the Word too is Christ and that too is how He comes to us. He is the Word made flesh.
The Eucharist is one of seven sacraments all meant to bestow upon us the grace of Christ in many different ways. Each helps us to form a special bond with Christ that only Christ could form. In the sacraments the priest, deacon, or bishop may be speaking visibly but only because Christ speaks through them. This is very much true in Confession. Catholics believe that God asks us to confess our sins to one another. One scripture points to this: "Jesus said to them again, 'Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you.' And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” The apostles only forgave sins because of the power of the Holy Spirit bestowed upon them and likewise with the priests and bishops of today.
Confession has always made me feel so free and has given me the opportunity to talk through my sins, guilt, temptations, and anxiety. Confession was the perfect opportunity for God to speak to me through the priest who would often say things that resonated with me and knew things they should not have known. They would help me through the situation giving me practical and spiritual advice. It was at the request of a priest asked during confession that I began to attend mass daily. I've always seen penance as a way of reconnecting with God after a fall. It usually involves prayer. After we make a mistake, the most important thing we can do is talk to the person and move forward. God wants to forgive us. He wants to share his mercy.
One of my favorite Saint stories is the story of Saint Faustina, a young nun who had visions of Jesus imploring her to share the truth of His endless mercy with the world. I invite anyone of any Christian background to read her diary, the Diary of Saint Faustina. It's very powerful and shows how much God loves us. We are sinners, we make mistakes, but because we are now children of God, He can take us and make us clean at any moment as long as we have a repentant heart. We need to invite Him in. God won't force us to do anything. He gave us free will.
The saints for a Catholic are our brothers and sisters and our mentors. They are the ones who went before us and lived the Christian life. In life they were not perfect, but they followed the perfect will of the Father and are made perfect by Him in Heaven. Catholics do not believe that priests, bishops, or popes are perfect, only their roles as influenced by the power of Christ through the working of the Holy Spirit are perfect. Praying to a Saint to me more or less means asking for them to pray for us while honoring their memory just as you would ask a family member or friend to pray for you and then thank them for their prayers and their presence in your life. To me being a saint is not some distant milestone that should be sought after with fear and anxiety, but it's something attainable by all. All of us can follow Christ, therefore, pursuing the Father's Will which is the key to Holiness. Holiness is when our will aligns with the Will of the Father.
I spoke in the previous part about my relationship with Mary. I hear people say at times that Catholics worship Mary and place her as equal to the Holy Trinity or make her a part of the Trinity. I'm sure there are some misguided Catholics who do this but Catholic teaching around Mary all leads to Jesus, her Son. God had to choose the right vessel to house the Lord and to care for the Lord in his early years of life on the Earth. St. Joseph too is honored as part of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I've known many Catholics some of whom became priests who were led to Christ by the influence of Mary His mother. Mary is honored because Jesus is her Son. Catholics point to a gospel passage among others for one reason why we believe Jesus wants us to have a relationship with Mary as a spiritual mother. John 19: 25-29 reads, "Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, 'Woman, behold your son!' Then He said to the disciple, 'Behold your mother!' And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home." The beloved disciple is often believed to be John, the writer of the gospel of John. That figure is sometimes also interpreted to be us Christians because we are all the beloved disciples of Christ. Catholics interpret that passage as Jesus asking us to invite Mary into our hearts because she was so precious to Him and because He knows she will lead others to Him. The rosary, for example, is an intimate connection with Christ in which we pray with Mary to God while focusing on different aspects of the life of Christ and our own relationship to Him. While praying the rosary, I once had a vision. I was praying on the Garden of Gethsemane and I saw Mary pointing to Jesus as he was kneeling desperate in prayer with the Father. Sometimes, I have difficulty focusing my attention on God in prayer, but this helped me greatly and I was able to focus on that intimate moment of Jesus's life in which He showed that He was truly both human and divine and was someone I can connect with and relate to.
I'm going to end with one more story about the Eucharist. When I began to explore other denominations of Christianity, I began to doubt my own beliefs which led me to doubting God because its all I've known my whole life. It made me realize that my Faith was built on sand rather than rock. I knew Christ, but I didn't go deep enough into His teachings to see what I believed and more importantly why I believed them. One day, Brandy and I went to Catholic Underground in New York for Eucharistic Adoration which is the placing of the Eucharist on the altar in a monstrance, a special vessel for the Eucharist. I always felt called to sit beside as many others do at Adoration because I want to sit beside Jesus like those in the days when He walked the Earth teaching about the Kingdom. In a stirring moment while worship music was playing I bowed on my knees before the Eucharist in tears. After adoration had ended, I went to Brandy and she told me that she saw something. She said, "I saw Christ walking to each of you by the altar. He was smiling. as you were bowing and He placed his hand gently on your back guiding you as you bowed before Him." He was truly present. In the midst of everything, I knew that I needed to research and learn more about what Catholics believe and why. It led to a lot of searching in my heart and I found that I am exactly where I belong and where I find Christ's most divine presence.
This is not true in everyone's case. Some do not feel the connection to the teachings of the Church that I do. I've known others who have had truly awful experiences at the hands of truly awful individuals form all walks of life in religious circles. I personally know that God speaks through all because where two or three are gathered, God can be found. Thank you as always for reading and I would love to hear your questions, thoughts, and experiences as well. Please feel free to contact me.
Dear God, we love you infinitely! You are our amazing God. Though we may come form different backgrounds and walks of life, we all have one thing in common, we are all beloved by You and we all long for peace and love. May we seek to learn from each other no matter our differences. God, thank you for your continued Divine Presence in our lives. I don't know where I'd be without you and your Will for my life. I long to be more like You by becoming that which I consume. God, please bless all of your children, especially those who have felt pushed away from you by others. Make all of us Christians a perfect example of your love and grace. Bless us Lord and bring us into Your loving embrace. Amen!
